Things with my daughter have gotten worse.
MUCH worse.
We are barely speaking. When we do, it's an argument, and it gets us nowhere. I have not seen her in over a week and I miss her.
She is a good kid, but is dating a boy (yes, he really is a boy) that is no good for her. He is nice enough, don't get me wrong, but he is a bum. He works, but barely. His job does not afford him enough money to make it on his own, so he lives with his mom. He does, however have a way cool car. See, he doesn't make enough for rent and a car, so he has a car. My daughter is living with him. With them. The boyfriend and the mom.
The mom lets the kids leach off of her because she is lonely. She is not doing these kids any favours by babying them. The Boy will never leave his mothers home, there is no reason to. He will never have a good job, because he is a high school drop out that is happy to work at a call center for the rest of his life.
My daughter, on the other hand, is already a college grad that has gone back for yet more schooling. She will have her choice of two careers when she is done in October.
My daughter has gone from an independent young woman to a girl that relies completely on her boyfriend. The mother is so involved in all areas of the kids lives...My daughter still has her bills come here because she knows that Mommy Dearest will open them if they go there.
I am a survivor of abuse. I know that not all men are abusive. I am on my third long term relationship and although he is not perfect, we are ok.
I do however, recognize the signs. I can see when someone is being controlling and manipulative. We (her sisters, brother, father and I ) can all see it, but she can't.
I don't know what to do.
I want to let her live her own life, but this whole thing spells nothing but trouble and it scares the hell out of me.
I can't sit back and watch these people run my daughter down, yet if I say something, then I am the one controlling her life.
I just want my daughter back. The real daughter that I know, not the one that spews the catch phrases that boyfriend's mom have drilled into her head.
I just feel so hopeless.
House progress
10 years ago
5 comments:
Oh dear, this is not good at all. I know we were told that kids have to make their own mistakes and the hardest thing as a parent is to sit there and watch the train wreck coming. The boys mother sounds like a fruit loop is no doubt a big part of the problem. At least your daughter will drop by to get her mail, maybe you could use that time for non-confrontational chit chat and make sure she knows she is always welcome in your home no matter what or make it look like you were just going out and invite her to join you for a quick coffee or something. Try to get back to where you were when you shared the fun things, the rest will follow in time. Good kids always come back to good and it's only natural she wants to flex her own wings. It maybe that she has her "escape route" anyway when she realises her options in life are far greater than the boys will ever be.
We used to put butter on the cats paws to stop her from straying but I guess it won't work with kids! Thinking positive thoughts and sending them your way (and don't be too hard on yourself).
Thank you :) I totally agree with you - the mother IS a fruit loop, and that is a big part of the reason that I so upset.
She has not been home - at all - but she will be, at some point, and I will do my best to let her know that she is always welcome here...She is, of course.
Hopefully, she will see things clearly sooner rather than later.
This is soo hard.....
Oh deary me, just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and hope that things are working out (albeit slowly or one step at a time). Cheers,
Amanda
Thank you ;)
Not much has changed, I am sad to say. We are tyring to keep the lines of communication open, but I am worried that Mothers Day will pass and I will be missing one kid.
Hope your mothers day was better than you had hoped! Take care, Amanda
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